The Shoebox
by Loridhhp
Summary: Here's a little Mother's Day one shot. It takes place post series finale. Lorelai finds a shoebox that contains missing pieces of her life. She turns to her mother for answers. Please read and review.


**Here's another little one shot for Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there! :) This takes place post series finale and is just a Lorelai and Emily moment. I hope you enjoy it. Please review and let me know how you like it.**

**Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls is owned by Amy Sherman-Palladino. This story is for entertainment purposes only.**

**The Shoebox**

Lorelai Gilmore was nothing if not diligent. Ever since Rory left to pursue her career as a writer for an online magazine covering the Barrack Obama campaign, she found it best to immerse herself in her own work. If she kept busy, she wouldn't have time to miss her daughter so much. She didn't want to think about how empty the house felt without Rory's presence. This wasn't like when she went off to Yale: Rory wouldn't be coming home on weekends to do her laundry and spend time with her.

No, Lorelai thought it best to stay busy, to occupy herself with tasks, to avoid at all cost the loneliness she felt inside. Although they talked on the phone, it wasn't the same. Lorelai knew that Rory was living her life now and she had to let her go, but she still missed her best friend. She had depended on Rory for so long. Rory was her touchstone, her voice of reason in the sometimes-insane world she occupied. If she stayed busy, she wouldn't have time to feel the deep emptiness that seemed to permeate her life.

It had been a week since Rory left, and Lorelai was forced to take a day off by Sookie, who caught her in the Dragonfly's library with books in her hands and her head leaning against the bookcase, sound asleep. She had fallen asleep standing up, while organizing the bookshelves. Even she had to admit she was overdoing it. When Sookie tried to talk to her, she only ended up crying on her shoulder. So Lorelai grabbed her purse and headed home.

She sat on the couch, remote in hand, flipping through the channels on the TV. Nothing interested her. Paul Anka jumped up on the couch and flopped down next to her. He put his head in her lap and she scratched him behind the ears. That crazy dog had his quirks, but Lorelai had to admit that he also had an uncanny knack for knowing when she was down and needed comfort. She adopted him when she and Rory were fighting and Rory left Yale. They hadn't talked for nearly six months: it was so hard for Lorelai to stay out of her daughter's life and let her deal with her own mistakes. Paul Anka was her furry shelter from the storm that was her life.

Lorelai thought about calling Luke to come over but realized he was on a plane, heading to New Mexico to see April since she wouldn't be able to come to Stars Hollow this summer. She sighed, picked up the phone and dialed Rory's number. It went to voicemail.

_You've reached Rory Gilmore. I'm not available to take your call, but if you leave a message I will get back to you_.

"Hey hon, it's Mom, but I guess you already knew that. Anyway, I guess you're busy being a big reporter. I haven't talked to you in a few days. I'm sure you're probably swamped with work. I hope things are going good. I miss you kid. Movie night at the crapshack just isn't the same without you. Well, I guess I'll talk to you soon. I love you babe." Lorelai hung up and sighed. She knew she sounded pretty pathetic in her message and was sure Rory would detect her sadness. The kid was pretty intuitive. She decided to just go to bed. Maybe sleep would help break her out of her slump.

Sleep didn't help and only exhausted her more, if that was possible. Lorelai showered and dressed. It was Sunday morning and she was awake early. Since she couldn't drown her sorrows at work, she would find solace in finding things to do around the house. She shuffled into the kitchen listlessly and set up a pot of coffee to brew. After feeding and walking Paul Anka, she grabbed a mug of her elixir of life. She opened a package of pop tarts and ate one while she sipped her coffee.

Lorelai's gaze fell on the closed door across from her, the door to Rory's bedroom. She hadn't entered that room since the last night Rory stayed in it. She thought about how she had quietly entered Rory's room in the middle of the night just to watch her sleep. She didn't want Rory to know how much her leaving affected her, so she held her emotions inside, only to break down and weep silently at her bedside. She didn't realize that letting go would be so hard. Her baby was now grown and going off to find her own way in life.

Coffee in hand, Lorelai opened the door and entered the empty bedroom. The mismatched furniture that they had gotten when they lived in the potting shed at the Independence Inn, still stood in their original positions, like sentinels guarding the precious memories of a life so richly lived. The only difference was now the room was barren of all vestiges of the former occupant. Lorelai set the now empty mug on the dresser and began to look around to make sure Rory hadn't forgotten anything in her hasty packing.

Lorelai checked the drawers and found them completely empty. She opened the closet and checked on the shelf, feeling around. Her hand brushed against something tucked way in the back. She stood on her toes, reached in and pulled out what appeared to be a shoebox. On the shoebox was a small envelope taped to the lid with one word on it: Mom. Lorelai took the shoebox and headed into the kitchen. She sat down at the table and opened the envelope.

_Dear Mom,_

_When I was living at Grandma and Grandpa's, I did a bit of snooping. Yes I know you would have loved to join me, but we weren't speaking at the time. I found this box in the basement among a lot of other boxes. I asked Grandma about it and she dismissed me, saying I could have it if I wanted. I wondered why she didn't get angry that I was snooping and why she would let me have this box._

_I opened it and understood why Grandma let me have it. I've kept it because it should really go to you Mom, and I knew you weren't ready to accept it, so I hid it away, hoping to be able to give it to you. I guess I forgot about it over time and I only found it when I was packing my things. I knew you would go through my room to check that I hadn't forgotten anything, so I figured you would find this in time._

_I hope the contents of this box help you find what you lost so many years ago. Please talk to Grandma. I want you to know Mom, that wherever I am, I will always think of you and remember how great it was to grow up with you as my mother. I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for you and your faith in me. I love you so much Mom! Love, Rory_

Lorelai placed the letter back into the envelope and laid it on the table. She yanked a napkin from the cow napkin holder and wiped at her eyes. She didn't want to cry anymore. Rory was all grown up now and left the nest. The only problem was that Lorelai was having trouble letting her go. She didn't want to stop being mommy to her girl. She composed herself and opened the shoebox. It was filled with photos. Lorelai smiled when she realized they were the photos that she had cut her own head out of because her mother said she had a big head.

Lorelai pulled the photos out and laid them on the table, sorting though them. She couldn't believe Emily would actually keep them after she ruined them. Funny how she never really thought about them. There were snapshots of scenes from her childhood. Lorelai assumed that they'd be pictures of parties and other events she had regularly been hauled to. Many of the photos were posed, with little Lorelai dressed in one pretty frilly dress or another. On the bottom of the box were photos that were intact. Lorelai gasped when she saw them.

What existence was this? The little girl in these photos had long curly hair and an infectious smile. She looked happy! These were glimpses of another life, another family. They had to be. Yet there were her parents' younger selves interacting with their little girl, genuine smiles plastered on their faces. Little Lorelai building a snowman with her mother, riding high on her father's shoulders, happily riding a pony in a tiny riding outfit, opening presents on Christmas morning, so many moments captured. She had forgotten so much of her childhood, blocked it out with only the bad memories. It wasn't all bad.

Lorelai held a photo in her hand. In it her mother sat in a rocking chair with Lorelai on her lap. She looked about five years old. She had ruffled pajamas on and a paper tiara on her head that said 'birthday girl'. Her mother held her tightly and smiled down at her daughter's upturned face. Lorelai was grinning from ear to ear, gazing into her mother's eyes.

"_Mommy, I had the best birthday," little Lorelai squealed happily to her mother. "Thank you for having pony rides. It was so much fun! Can I go ride the pony again sometime?"_

"_We'll see," Emily said, hugging her little girl to her. "You were a good girl today Lorelai and Daddy and I are so proud of you. Do you like your presents?"_

"_Oh yes Mommy," Lorelai exclaimed. "I really liked the chocolate cake and ice cream."_

_Emily laughed. "Honey, there was more there than cake and ice cream."_

"_Well, you don't let me eat it all the time so it was special," Lorelai said. "I also liked the Play Doh and Color Forms and I really love my new doll house! It's so big! Barbie and Ken can have their friends come over to play."_

"_I'm glad you liked everything Sweetheart," Emily said. "But, you are going to have to take off your tiara to sleep or it will get crushed."_

_Lorelai pouted a moment and sighed, "Okay Mommy. Can I save it though?"_

"_I will put it into your special birthday memories box," Emily said smiling. "Now let's get you into bed." _

E_mily tucked her little girl into bed and kissed her cheeks good night as Lorelai hugged her._

Lorelai was brought out of her reverie by a teardrop that landed on the photo in her hand. She quickly wiped it away and set the picture down. She remembered a moment from so long ago and it was a pleasant one. Her mother wasn't always the overbearing, hypercritical woman she thought she was. There was a time when things were good in the Gilmore house, when Lorelai felt loved and happy. Why had everything changed? When did her mother become so cold and hard? As she sobbed into her hands, Lorelai realized that her mother must have loved her.

Lorelai felt more alone now than she did when she woke up. She wanted one thing now, her mother. She needed to talk to her. She wiped her eyes, washed her face and applied some makeup. She grabbed the shoebox and her purse and made her way outside to the Jeep. More deeply buried memories surfaced as Lorelai drove to Hartford. Long suppressed moments of happy times flooded Lorelai thoughts, having been released from the prison of her subconscious by the photographs.

Lorelai walked up to the imposingly large front door of the Gilmore house, took a few breaths to calm her nerves, and rang the doorbell. The latest maid answered and Lorelai introduced herself. She was ushered inside and directed to the dining room where Emily was having her lunch.

"Lorelai," Emily exclaimed, surprised to see her daughter at her home on a Sunday. "What are you doing here? Your father is playing golf. If you had given us notice, we would have both been here."

"I'm sorry Mom for coming here without calling," Lorelai said as she sat down at the table. "I wanted to talk to you anyway."

"Can I get you something to eat," Emily announced. "Hilda, please set a place for Miss. Gilmore."

"That's okay Mom, you don't have to," Lorelai objected.

"Nonsense Lorelai," Emily retorted. "You are here and I am eating. It's only proper to offer you lunch as well."

"Oh, well, I guess I am a bit hungry," Lorelai stated. "Are you sure it's not an inconvenience?"

"Would you like an engraved invitation? Perhaps I can place an ad in the Courant to formally request your presence," Emily snidely remarked. "You've obviously come here for a reason Lorelai, so please don't waste my time. If you have something to discuss please do so. I have a very busy schedule this afternoon."

"Well I do have something to discuss," Lorelai began. The maid brought her out a plate of roasted chicken with steamed vegetables. "This looks delicious," Lorelai stated, delaying the inevitable.

They ate in silence for a while as Lorelai worked up the nerve to talk to her mother. Why did she always get so tongue tied around Emily? Her stomach did flips as she tried to think of what to say to her mother. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here.

"Mom, I have to show you something," Lorelai finally said, putting down her fork. She took the shoebox off the floor and placed it on the table. "Do you recognize this?"

Emily glanced at the small box and looked away. "It's a shoebox Lorelai. Have you come here just to show me your latest purchase from Walmart?"

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Look closely Mom," she said pushing the box in front of Emily.

Emily knew exactly what was in the shoebox. It was the one she had let Rory take, the one that contained the now painful memories from her past. She tried not to show any emotion, as Lorelai opened the box, revealing the contents. Lorelai placed photos on the table for Emily to see. Emily glanced at the pictures, memories of a time so long ago, when she had a little girl who was the greatest joy of her life.

"I can't believe you kept these," Lorelai muttered softly, looking at the photos of her with her head cut out.

"Well, I couldn't very well throw them away Lorelai," Emily replied sharply. "They were the only copies."

"But you kept them. I never saw them again," Lorelai said, feeling slightly hurt at her mother's distant and cold demeanor. "Why?"

"Why? Because no mother wants to display a photo album of their only child who has taken to defacing herself in all the pictures," Emily snapped. "And because I couldn't bear to look at them myself," she added sadly.

"Mom, please talk to me," Lorelai begged. "Why did you keep all these photos hidden? Were you THAT ashamed of me?"

"Yes Lorelai! If you must know the truth, yes I was ashamed, and hurt," Emily snapped. "You destroyed the only memories I had of that time in your life. I didn't want it known that I had a child who would do such a thing!"

"You kept telling me and everyone you met, what a big head I had," Lorelai exclaimed, feeling hurt and more than a little upset.

"Well, it was true," Emily countered. "And you grew into it! I don't see what the problem is?"

"Mom! I didn't come here to fight with you," Lorelai said as she placed her head in her hands. "Why did it change Mom? I looked at those pictures and I remember the moments they were taken, and they were good times. What happened to make you hate me so much?"

Emily could see how upset her daughter was. She softened as she picked up one of the photos. "You grew up Lorelai," She said softly. "You stopped being my sweet little girl and suddenly everything was wrong in your life. You became a teenager and I became a nagging shrew. The more you pulled away, the angrier I became. You remind me so much of myself when I was young, the same stubbornness, the same passion for life, only your passion was for a life that didn't include your father and me."

"So you turned against me just to make my life miserable," Lorelai wondered aloud.

"I wasn't trying to make your life miserable Lorelai, but I was angry and you hurt me as well," Emily responded.

"For as long as I can remember, I wanted to know you cared," Lorelai said dejectedly. "I thought you didn't love me and I could never do anything right in your eyes."

"It wasn't that I didn't care, Lorelai," Emily said sighing. "I have never been good at coddling, at least not since you were a little girl. I guess I changed because I didn't want you to see how much pain I carried inside, that you would think me weak. It was always easier to be angry than to admit that I had failed you as a mother."

"We failed each other Mom," Lorelai said with tears in her eyes. "I tried so many times to talk to you and you wouldn't listen, or you put me down and it hurt. So I stopped talking."

"I'm listening now," Emily said gently. "I'm listening."

Lorelai thought for a moment. Should she open up to her mother? Would her mother really listen and not cut her down, like she had so many times in the past? She knew Emily would be able to relate to the loss she was feeling, since she had lost her only daughter years ago. Did she miss her as much as she was missing Rory now? Lorelai felt the tears stinging behind her eyes as she took the risk.

"I miss Rory," she said finally, sniffling back the tears that threatened to expose her pain. "I just …I'm having a hard time letting her go."

"Rory is a grown woman now Lorelai, much older than you were when you left home," Emily stated. "She is more than capable of making her way in the world."

"I know she is Mom, I just miss having her around," Lorelai said, choking back a sob. "Did you feel this way when I left home?"

"Worse," Emily muttered, looking down at the photos. "You turned against everything we stood for and decided it was better to live in poverty than with us. Fifteen years with only contact on the holidays? I can not begin to describe how it felt."

"If it was worse than how I'm feeling right now then I am so sorry Mom, for putting you through that," Lorelai said, her voice breaking with emotion. "I don't want things to be bad between us Mom. I know I can be a pain but I want us to try to get along. I promise to listen if you will listen to me as well. Like I said at Rory's going away party, I will continue to come to Friday night dinners, every week if you want."

"I would like that," Emily said smiling for the first time. "I will listen to you Lorelai. I can't promise that we won't butt heads, given our personalities, but I will do my best to be there for you." Emily looked at the photo in her hand. It was a shot of Emily reading "The Night Before Christmas" to Lorelai, who was sitting on her lap dressed in Christmas pajamas. "I miss the happy moments too."

"I'd better get going," Lorelai announced, as she gathered up the photos and placed them back in the shoebox. "I know you're busy. I'll let myself out."

"Lorelai," Emily called out as Lorelai walked to the door. "I never hated you. You are my daughter. You raised my beautiful granddaughter alone into the successful woman she is today. I am proud of you Lorelai."

"Thanks Mom," Lorelai said, wiping the tears from her cheeks as quickly as they fell. "Thank you for keeping these pictures and for letting me have them."

"I have the heads, by the way," Emily said sheepishly. "I made a collage out of them. I keep it tucked away in the family bible."

"Seriously? I can't wait to find out what else you've been keeping from me," Lorelai said smiling.

"Good bye Lorelai," Emily called out, smiling broadly. "I'll see you Friday."


End file.
